Failure Is Not A Dirty Word

After being interviewed by Steve Errey, otherwise known as The Confidence Guy, I decided to re-write my definition of the words failure and alpha. Why? Because both of these terms have changed significantly for me over the past year.

Let’s start with failure. American society is largely obsessed with the idea of “success” and associates it with how much money you make and how quickly you make it. While that is certainly one definition, in my opinion, it is greatly distorted. Because our society is so enamored with the trappings of success, we have become a people afraid to take risk for fear of failing.

Success a By-product of Effort Upon Failure
Stanford University psychology professor Carol Dweck reported that, after 30 years of research with school-aged children, college students and adults, she believes success is more closely aligned with effort exerted upon failure rather than innate ability or intelligence. She described the various studies and results on school performance and how perceived failure is affecting our society, our children and their self-esteem in her article “The Secret to Raising Smart Kids.”

My take-away from her thorough research and analysis is that we are so obsessed with the appearance of intelligence and success that even our children are afraid to risk failing because they fear the ridicule, embarrassment or shame of not achieving or realizing something they thought would work. This causes our kids to not want to be creative. Regardless of whether the fear is real or imagined, it causes many, many people to stay stuck in situations and circumstances they dislike while they make fun of others who are willing to take risks.

Another article dedicated to failure, titled “In Praise of Failure,” was recently published in Ode magazine. We forget that, more often than not, people often fail many times before achieving success. It is through our failures that we learn our greatest lessons and can continue on to experience our greatest achievements.

Failure Equal to Unwillingness to Take Risks
To me, failure is more accurately defined as people who don’t take risk; people who are so full of fear that they don’t welcome challenges or the ability to make mistakes in an effort to learn. Whether it is in your personal or professional life, it is people so afraid of what others think that they fail to take action. They are the passengers in the car of life watching their lives pass them by while allowing others to define who they are and determine what their limitations will be.

As philosopher/author Sydney Banks or psychologist George Pransky, PhD, would say, “Failure, my dear, is a matter of the mind.” You can’t have a feeling of failure without first having the thought. It is literally all in your head!

As J.K. Rowlings says, “If you aren’t failing…then you are not living!”

So, get out there and start failing!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.–Marianne Williamson